“Whatever you do, you have to get a Döner Kebab. Have to.” “Is there a special store that sells them?” “They’re usually sold at a little stand or in shops all over town. You can’t miss them. You’re going to love being on base in Germany. It’s such a great area. Oh, try the kebab with and without the special spicy sauce. I prefer it without.” “Steffanie, I need you to answer a few questions for me. What’s your date of birth?” “September 19th.” “Great. What are you here for today?” I took a deep breath and, with what strength I had left in me, I whispered in a barely audible tone, “Brain Surgery.” My now favorite anesthesiologist turned away from my bed then…
It’s been a productive week. Recovery wise, I am doing super well! I stopped wearing anything covering my scar. If people think the back of my head looks weird, they can deal with it. It’s better for my scar to get air so that is what I am doing. (Take that whole foods lady!) I’ve stopped taking my prescription pain killers too! I’m down to just a few Advil a day which means I can drive and have wine again. Stitches Update They are gone! On Thursday, Dr W said they were ready to come out. Given that this is the first time I have ever had surgery and stitches, having them removed was rather nerve wracking. Dr W did a fantastic job. My mom held…
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler I can’t believe it has been 1 week. This time last week, I was sick to my stomach I was so scared. I was holding Bertie as tight as possible because Joel wasn’t allowed in the room during prep. When Joel and the rest of my family were allowed to see me, the Neurosurgeon and both of the the Anesthesiologists for the last time, I broke down. I knew I would. It was so bad that my family was asking them to give me something to calm down. But, I made it. I’ve made it through the first week of pain, agony and learning my new limits. I made it. Here is…
Edit: This was suppose to post on Monday but it didn’t for some reason. So, here you go:
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So who is Sir Bertie Toughington III? He’s my puppy! Today, Bertie accompanied me to Hopkins. Why? Because frankly, I am scared beyond belief. I haven’t written a lot about the actual surgery I am having right now, or said out loud how scared I really am, because all of this isn’t pretty. There isn’t a way to make it sound pretty.
It isn’t as easy as removing a tumor, it is just a little more than that. Right now, they should be removing a portion of my skull. Pull a card out of your wallet and look at it. See how it is fits in your hand? Put that card up to the back of your skull. It is pretty big compared to the back of your head. They are removing a portion of my skull that is the size of that credit card from the back my head. That’s why I am scared. If I don’t do it, my quality of life will degrade. Leading up to the surgery, I just gave myself an ulcer being worried.
What if they miss? What if they clip my brain. We are dealing with the cerebellum here. I’ve read story after story where people aren’t the same after this surgery. I’ve read story after story where their lives are better. What’s going to happen to me still hasn’t been determined. Hopefully, I am still doing well in surgery. I’ve tried my best to reamin positive and upbeat; in all honesty it is so I try to believe what I am saying. I know I have the best person in the Eastern corridor operating on me. As comforting as that is, it is still brain surgery. And I am so scared.
This is why I am glad to have Bertie. Joel can’t be with me all the time (you know his little passing out issue; plus visiting hours) and I need something with me. Something to hold and squeeze when I need to be comforted. I think Scarlet and Mr Darcy are tired of my ”please let me hold you a little while longer” cuddle sessions.
By the time this post goes up, I should be in the last half of surgery. Please think good thoughts for me because, well, I need it. If everything goes as planned, and surgery started at 7:30, I should be out before noon Eastern. I am hoping Joel will have great updates on his twitter feed. I really can’t wait to tweet “hello” with my new upgraded machinery.
I have this packet that I was handed during my pre-op appointment that I’m scared to open. It’s still in my purse with copies of my last MRI scans. It lists a whole lot of what I am not allowed to do for the next few days, including no pain meds. Ugh. Speaking of the pre-op appointment, everything went great until they decided I needed more lab work. My appointment was at 10:30 which means I had breakfast at 8 before I left the apartment. By the time I finally got to see the anesthesiologist, it was 11. They sent me to the lab at 11:25 and didn’t get called to actually go into the lab till 12:35. Lab work after a 5 hour…
What to Expect Over the past few weeks, I’ve learned a lot about brain surgery, what to expect, how to cope and I haven’t even gone through it yet. One of the best things I’ve done is read a book that Allison sent me: I had Brain Surgery. What’s Your Excuse by Suzy Becker. I am writing this after finishing the first 250 pages, that should tell you something! The book (and puppy!) arrived Thursday and, well, I was more excited about the puppy. Friday morning, on a whim, I grabbed the book to read on my commute into the city. Thanks to metro I had several extra minutes to become enthralled with the book (look at that positive spin on metro delays; be proud). What I really…
My Hair I did it. I cut ten inches of hair in preparation for D-Day. It makes me feel like I am in control of something. And I’ll take it. Friday at work, it was great seeing everyone’s expression. I guess it is kinda surprising to go from shoulder length hair to hardly hitting my ears, but I like it! It may have to stay this way after surgery. The End (of Work) is Near It is weird thinking that I have 7.5 hours are left of work before I am officially on leave. It is strange to not know when I will be going back. I think it will be even stranger when I go for my Hopkins pre-op on Tuesday. That’s it.…
In my time blogging, I never thought I would have to write a post like this; actually, it is rather difficult. I blog about personal things, like getting married to Joel and mostly things I find interesting. But, this is going to become a bit more personal. I must say, I owe the courage to talk about what is going on to Erin, who you probably know as @queenofspain. She helped me understand that sometimes you just need to tell something to #suckit, like Lupus or brain surgery. Here it goes: towards the end of 2010, late November to be exact, I started feeling a little weird. I played it off to basically having a desk job during the day and not getting enough…
