“Whatever you do, you have to get a Döner Kebab. Have to.” “Is there a special store that sells them?” “They’re usually sold at a little stand or in shops all over town. You can’t miss them. You’re going to love being on base in Germany. It’s such a great area. Oh, try the kebab with and without the special spicy sauce. I prefer it without.” “Steffanie, I need you to answer a few questions for me. What’s your date of birth?” “September 19th.” “Great. What are you here for today?” I took a deep breath and, with what strength I had left in me, I whispered in a barely audible tone, “Brain Surgery.” My now favorite anesthesiologist turned away from my bed then…
It’s been a productive week. Recovery wise, I am doing super well! I stopped wearing anything covering my scar. If people think the back of my head looks weird, they can deal with it. It’s better for my scar to get air so that is what I am doing. (Take that whole foods lady!) I’ve stopped taking my prescription pain killers too! I’m down to just a few Advil a day which means I can drive and have wine again. Stitches Update They are gone! On Thursday, Dr W said they were ready to come out. Given that this is the first time I have ever had surgery and stitches, having them removed was rather nerve wracking. Dr W did a fantastic job. My mom held…
This is a bit of a rant; I just need to let it go. Monday night my mom and I went to Whole Foods (or as she calls it Whole Food). I was getting a bit of cabin fever and we ran out of small items for me to eat before taking my meds. We waited till later in the evening when it is less crowded and you can actually find a parking space in the garage. I thought it would be a good trip to the store. I was expecting to be embarrassed by my mom - that comes with the territory – but I wasn’t expecting this. To Whole Foods I wore my typical outfit of stretchy black pants that I have been living in. (I love these…
Edit: This was suppose to post on Monday but it didn’t for some reason. So, here you go:
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So who is Sir Bertie Toughington III? He’s my puppy! Today, Bertie accompanied me to Hopkins. Why? Because frankly, I am scared beyond belief. I haven’t written a lot about the actual surgery I am having right now, or said out loud how scared I really am, because all of this isn’t pretty. There isn’t a way to make it sound pretty.
It isn’t as easy as removing a tumor, it is just a little more than that. Right now, they should be removing a portion of my skull. Pull a card out of your wallet and look at it. See how it is fits in your hand? Put that card up to the back of your skull. It is pretty big compared to the back of your head. They are removing a portion of my skull that is the size of that credit card from the back my head. That’s why I am scared. If I don’t do it, my quality of life will degrade. Leading up to the surgery, I just gave myself an ulcer being worried.
What if they miss? What if they clip my brain. We are dealing with the cerebellum here. I’ve read story after story where people aren’t the same after this surgery. I’ve read story after story where their lives are better. What’s going to happen to me still hasn’t been determined. Hopefully, I am still doing well in surgery. I’ve tried my best to reamin positive and upbeat; in all honesty it is so I try to believe what I am saying. I know I have the best person in the Eastern corridor operating on me. As comforting as that is, it is still brain surgery. And I am so scared.
This is why I am glad to have Bertie. Joel can’t be with me all the time (you know his little passing out issue; plus visiting hours) and I need something with me. Something to hold and squeeze when I need to be comforted. I think Scarlet and Mr Darcy are tired of my ”please let me hold you a little while longer” cuddle sessions.
By the time this post goes up, I should be in the last half of surgery. Please think good thoughts for me because, well, I need it. If everything goes as planned, and surgery started at 7:30, I should be out before noon Eastern. I am hoping Joel will have great updates on his twitter feed. I really can’t wait to tweet “hello” with my new upgraded machinery.
In my time blogging, I never thought I would have to write a post like this; actually, it is rather difficult. I blog about personal things, like getting married to Joel and mostly things I find interesting. But, this is going to become a bit more personal. I must say, I owe the courage to talk about what is going on to Erin, who you probably know as @queenofspain. She helped me understand that sometimes you just need to tell something to #suckit, like Lupus or brain surgery. Here it goes: towards the end of 2010, late November to be exact, I started feeling a little weird. I played it off to basically having a desk job during the day and not getting enough…
